WHAT IS GRIEF?

To experience loss is to know what it means to be human

While grief most commonly follows a major life event, like a death, divorce, major financial loss, or miscarriage, it also can come as a result of smaller, less life-altering losses.

Additionally, there are ambiguous losses which may be less obvious to others, but can still cause powerful grief reactions. Ambiguous loss can refer to the loss of an individual who is still physically present but psychologically absent. This is often experienced by family members of individuals who suffer from dementia, addiction, chronic mental illness, or traumatic brain injury.

This type of ambiguous loss may also happen when one is still emotionally present but physically absent, for example when there is no formal closure, as in the case of a missing person, the loss of an affair or hidden relationship.

Regardless of the cause, grieving may take on various forms and can appear differently depending on the individual. Sometimes, individuals, couples, or families can benefit from extra support to work through the complex feelings associated with their loss as each person experiences it in their own unique way. There are also physical, emotional, social, and spiritual responses to loss that will vary from person to person.

What you might be experiencing

Grief is not something that you ever fully move forward from unchanged. You can, however, lessen the intensity of the pain and have the loss not come to dominate your daily living. For some people, the normal grieving process does not resolve on its own, leading to what’s known as complicated grief. This type of grief refers to a persistent form of grieving or bereavement, lasting for one year or more.

When symptoms persist without improvement for an extended time period, they may qualify as complicated grief. Complicated grief may also interfere with your life and daily functioning.

SOME SYMPTOMS OF COMPLICATED GRIEF INCLUDE

• Intense and or unrelenting emotional pain and sadness

• Preoccupation with the loss

• Feelings of hopelessness or emptiness

• Avoidance of reminders of the loss

• Detachment and isolation from friends, family, and support network

• Difficulty engaging in happy memories of the lost person or time before the loss

• Lack of desire to pursue previously enjoyed hobbies or activities

• A reduced sense of identity

STAGES OF GRIEF

While everyone is different, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s model of grief can often be helpful as a way to understand the grieving process. This model includes five states of grief that many people experience following a major loss: 

• Denial

• Anger

• Bargaining

• Depression

• Acceptance

While these stages can serve as a general guideline, it’s important to remember that they are not always linear and that you may return to certain stages throughout your grieving process. When grieving, it’s essential to be patient with yourself and understand that progress is not always straightforward.